I used to be a much more righteous person than I am now.
It was during my late teenage years when I would read my Bible every single day and sometimes read through the New testament in a month (9 chapters per day) just because I could.
I had lots of time to prayer journal and go on walks, and I felt as though I was becoming very mature and holy in my spiritual walk.
Then I married and began to realize the full extent of my selfishness and how much I liked getting my own way. Add to that four young children to care for, and my own sinful nature has been fully exposed.
When Gabe wishes he had the remote controlled car he saw at a friend’s house and I explain how we need to be content with the things we have, I remember the times I myself have been envious of others homes or gardens or vacations or abilities.
When my children complain of boredom and I tell them it’s a good opportunity to do something nice for someone else, I think of my own moments of relaxation and what I spent them on.
When there are household chores needing to be done and children who want me to read to them, and I feel pulled in many different directions when all I want to do is curl up with a good book… I see my own selfish heart and am humbled.
I don’t wish to go back to those days when I felt like such a good Christian person. Sure, it would be easier, less humbling, but it would never show me my need for the Savior like my current circumstances do.
I am not righteous, but He is. I am not without selfishness and pride and envy, but He is. And seeing my own need makes me cry out for mercy and divine grace.
It is only in seeing and acknowledging my own sin that I can receive His salvation.
This was a timely read for me this morning as my oldest and I got off to a very rocky start to the day – both of our selfish natures being displayed prominently, much to my dismay, when I should be setting the example for him of selflessness and patience. Oh, how aware I am right now of my need for Jesus’ grace and mercy. Thank you for putting that into words.
From a fellow Alaskan housewife (I’ve been loosely following your blog for a while now – with five children seven and under, I can relate to so much of what you write!)
How neat to hear from a fellow Alaskan in very similar circumstances! Where in AK do you live?
We are in Kotzebue, so way on the other side of the state! We used to live in Soldotna though, and still get back there occasionally to visit.
Curl up with a good book? Oh, me too! Your words are very true! sometimes I think I was a much better person when I was single, but the truth of the matter is that motherhood and marriage keep rubbing off those selfish edges… kind of painful! Thanks for sharing
I think we need those years in our youth to become rooted and grounded in the Word and our convictions, being able to spent quantity time with Him, but then in our childbearing years, it’s time to live out what we believe and teach the next generation, and have to rely on shorter bits of quality time spent with our Lord, and the relationship we established in our youth. There’s nothing like children to bring out your bad qualities and show you how much you need to rely on God. Betty Joy
I can relate to this!🙌 thank you for sharing!
Yes! My experience is very similar to yours in this area. Thanks for pointing me to Jesus!
How right you are! I often think of the verse which says we shall be saved through child bearing. I don’t think it means salvation but rather from our selfishness and pride. I was also very “righteous “years ago. Now with nine children, homeschooling, and starting up our own business, I’m finding myself very reliant on Christ. Only when I needed to care for others first did my selfish nature become so evident. God is in his goodness refining us.
Yes. And we learn a little more every day about what really matters. We’ll never deserve forgiveness and peace and children that grow up to be decent citizens, but in God’s goodness and grace we find the safest place on the world.
Ahh yes, I resonate with this! Sometimes I cringe at how righteous I felt in my pre-children days. 😯 God has His ways of stripping us of our self-sufficiency!
Tabitha, You hit the nail on the head! Motherhood and maybe I should say parenting shows up our sinfulness big time. Thanks for sharing and praise be to Jesus for our redemption!