I had a really rough couple days last week, with a baby who wouldn’t take naps and a toddler who had hurt her chin on the ice, and just wanted held all day.
I knew I wasn’t paying enough attention to the older ones, and it felt like all I did was tell them what to do – hurry up with their school, pick up toys, stop repeating everything your sister says, set the table.
They spent their time alternating between being loud and goofy and pesting each other to tears, and till evening I was frustrated and exhausted.
After the children were all in bed, and even the baby was miraculously asleep, I was telling Andy about how awful the day had been and he reminded me of something extremely important that I had been missing.
Discipline is only effective if it comes from a relationship.
Over and over in the Bible, God patterns this by using discipline to bring the nation of Israel back into relationship with Himself.
Without a relationship, discipline can become a sort of bullying. Since my only interactions with my children were telling them what to do or disciplining for disobedience, they responded from insecurity by fighting with each other, being slow to obey, and trying to get away with as much as possible.
When we have a good relationship, my children want to please me, and disobedience breaks that relationship. Discipline is supposed to restore the fellowship between us, and if that is missing in the first place it only causes resentment and bitterness.
I felt as though I was already stretched thin by the demands of my baby, but I could see that I was making life harder for everyone, including myself, by not taking the time to build relationships with my older children.
I spent the next few days encouraging my children, noticing how well they built a house from magnatiles or how sweetly they cared for their dolls.
And I saw the whole attitude of our home switch from one of frustration to one of encouragement.
It’s scary to think how much my own attitude and reactions effect the atmosphere of our home. I want it to be a cheerful one, and thanks to my husband’s wisdom I am learning to keep it that way.
Thanks for sharing! That resonates with me so much, it’s such a great reminder and encouragement!
Thank you for sharing this. Very thought provoking and encouraging. Something I needed to hear.
Wow! That is so well said! You have been stretched hard the last while. The birth of a baby, sleep deprivation, moving, plus the other demands of raising little ones and running a household. But good for you for hearing Andy’s reminder even though you are weary. Good for you for leaning on God and borrowing His strength. There’s nothing like being parents to let us know that we need Jesus!
Wow! That is so well said! You have been stretched hard the last while. The birth of a baby, sleep deprivation, moving, plus the other demands of raising little ones and running a household. But good for you for hearing Andy’s reminder even though you are weary. Good for you for leaning on God and borrowing His strength. There’s nothing like being parents to let us know that we need Jesus!
It is kind of scary how much my attitude affects the atmosphere in our home. I’ll try to remember this post the next time the children “just aren’t behaving”